Being single in your late 20s or early 30s can be a real challenge, especially if you’re the only single person at a wedding. But don’t worry! Getting married is not a competition. Still, if you really want to avoid those looks of pity and get out of awkward conversations with elders, here’s your survival guide. Read on, pick yours and join the celebration.
Don’t be so nice and zone out
Weddings are fun, but definitely not when you’re constantly reminded of your single status. From how your biological clock works to how Beshi Boyosey Chele/Meye Pawa Jayna. Whether you meet these elders frequently or not, they are watching you. Wondering if plugging in your headphones will be rude, well, sure it is, but you can always mentally unplug like you do on a bad date.
Tinder crush aka the bride’s little brother
Weddings, apart from the good food (and if you’re lucky, free drinks) are also the live version of every dating app combined. That diva, who just glanced at you, is indeed the cousin of your best friend who you played hopscotch with when you were five. Develop your charms and dating skills, seek blessings from Rahul aka SRK, and turn someone else’s wedding into your mini date (or at least exchange numbers). You have to start somewhere, right?
Play hide and seek with the wedding aunties
Before you know it, your life can turn into Netflix-style wedding shows. At the end of the day, we’re all “eternally confused and longing for love.” Imagine if we had to pay for botox every time the wedding aunts raised their eyebrows at our lingering singleness – angst! Anyway, between the great Indian ghotkali and the aunties with a database that will put the census department to shame, the only way to escape is to throw a Mr. Full Indian and hide behind the stage, bar counter or even in the bathroom. .
The social construct designed for a married woman, but not for… Wait, what?
Well, in a nutshell, all those women who choose not to wear any blatant sign of suhaag (sankha, pola, sindoor, mangal sutra or even a wedding band) are often mistaken for singles (personal choices, remember?) and thus unknowingly the list of possible brides. Imagine the facepalm moment of said woman (and her already existing partner). If anyone kept a record of the funny things that happen at weddings, this would rank in the top three. Better to avoid.
The “empathic ear” and mental note maker in action
Empathy is a virtue and observation a gift that saves lives. Using them all with perfectly timed “I-get-the-pain-bro” nods, adding the occasional pat on the back and even a hug, all the while taking mental notes on the cons of getting married it is intelligence and the perfect use of the brain.
Giving off the I’m-going-to-eat-me-feeling-single vibe
Let’s be honest. Most of the weddings we go to are for food. Between people who highlight your singleness on one hand and unlimited food refills on the other, chances are we prefer the other. While the live pasta counter may not be the Plus 1 you’re hoping for, the bubbly cheese can easily make you forget about the desperate 2 a.m. messages sent to your last “situation mate” on your wedding eve.
Enter cost counter mode
Today, weddings are not only expensive for the couple, but also for the guests. Having a long review session in your notebook can be a great way to reassure yourself about the perks of being single, while also discouraging intrusive uncles. Asking responsive questions like the rising cost of weddings, telling people in excruciating detail how much money you’ll have to spend on that rash-inducing sherwani, a long flight you might have to take, the expenses of buy a laptop ring light, hoping to click aesthetic selfies, is a brilliant idea.
The philosopher mode
Single and happy about it? But sometimes, “I don’t want to get married” just doesn’t cut it. The only way to avoid those pesky aunt credit card sales convictions is with higher logic. All you have to do is brush up on Osho and Socrates, listen to a few pretentious podcasts, create your most serious look, and call marriage a “social construct.” Throw in a couple of “I can’t choose my partner over chai and samosas” and “the institution itself is regressive” for good measure. After attending the third wedding party, we guarantee the aunties won’t touch you with a boat.
Sporting the self-perceived image of Casanova
At weddings, every conversation is how it can be mixed up. Treat the banquet as a garden of opportunity and channel your inner Shivaji Satam to judge whether someone is single. Once your suspicions are confirmed, gently adjust your tie and cuffs before throwing on a series of “exciting” looks to catch prying eyes.
PS: Please refrain from being creepy and don’t overdo it.
Be the obedient friend at work
Sometimes the best antidote to singleness is to immerse yourself in work. And at your best friend’s nuptials, there’s always something to do: from making five trips to the airport each day to picking up and dropping off guests at the hotel to arguing with the decorators about the flower boy , the list goes on. Whenever you see wedding aunties creeping up on your radar, you might start berating the caterers for the lack of paneer in the gravy or taking on the kanyadaan duties of the father of the bride!
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