Advice Columns: The best of this week’s Slate advice.


Slate publishes a lot of tips every week, so we’re rounding up a selection of our favorites. Here are some of the week’s most compelling questions and links to hours of reading tips. This week: self-doubting husbands, potentially toxic in-laws and inheritance dilemmas.

Dear Prudence

Ho-Hum Husband: I’m in my late 30s in a career field where I’m stable with a good work-life balance, but I haven’t taken the traditional path in this field, so I’m not very successful or making a lot of money. . My wife doesn’t make a lot of money either, but she’s lovely, recognized in her field, and well on her way to achieving her professional life goals. Our friends are in various professional fields with one thing in common: they are all pretty bright. One wrote an amazing book and runs an amazing program. Many are amazing artists, either at work or outside of it. They are also mostly politically active with deep ties to the community. My stability is critical to my wife and family’s successes, but realistically, even if I were free to pursue any of my desires, I’d probably still be doing my own thing without much professional success. I’m not artistically inclined and I’m too introverted for politics. In our group of friends, I feel like a schlub that everyone tolerates because my wife is there. Look, I know this is largely in my head, and yes I am in therapy and I talk about it. What do I do?

More from Prudie:

Rebecca Onion

Help! My husband’s family insists on knowing all of my most private medical information.

Read more

Hillary Frey

Help! Everyone I meet is jealous of my ex-wife.

Read more

Danny M. Lavery

Help! My husband wants a “soccer team” of kids. Uh, that’s going to be a big problem.

Read more

Jenée Desmond-Harris

Help! My coworker always has sick kids. I suspect the culprit is at home.

Read more

Care and Food

Asking when to spill: My sister is divorcing her husband and marrying someone new. At first I was happy as she seemed excited, but everything she tells me about this guy makes me wary. He struggles with alcohol, to the point of drinking occasionally until he reaches the blackout stage. He also struggles with gambling and apparently believes in “traditional gender roles”. And what really scares me is that his ex-wife told my sister that during their marriage he socially isolated her and controlled her so much that she now suffers from PTSD.

If it were just my sister, I’d try to talk her out of it, and I’ve tried, to no avail. But I have an 8 year old niece who will be living with them half the time. She already deals with anxiety, and having an overbearing stepfather who expects perfection while he drinks the night away is too close to what my sister and I dealt with growing up. My sister doesn’t seem to be worried about it as my niece really likes the guy. However, they haven’t moved in yet and haven’t gotten married yet. Things could change once they are.

I’m struggling with whether I should tell anyone what he said, whether it’s my parents or my future ex-brother-in-law. I want someone to take care of my niece in all of this, and I’m the only person my sister has told all of this to. What do I do?

More Care and nutrition:

Doyin Richards

We want to take a family trip to Disneyland…and leave a child at home

Read more

Michelle Herman

I have learned how my niece really feels about her father. wow

Read more

Nicole Chung

I want to confront my friend’s kids about their atrocious lack of manners

Read more

how to do it

Downtown: I am a bisexual woman in my late 40’s in a long term relationship with a heterosexual man in my late 40’s. I really enjoy giving him oral sex. In fact, I can’t even think of a sexual encounter with him that I haven’t spent a good hour loving his taste, smell, and reaction to my attention.

My problem is reciprocity. He says he loves going down on me, but I have to ask for it about 98 percent of the time. I always feel like I’m asking him to, and his body language says the last thing on earth he’d want to do was fall on top of me. He moves uncertainly, without confidence, and hesitates. No pleasure for me – he licks for a bit, maybe 15 minutes, and then I give up. I always regret asking it, because it makes me question my suitability. What do I do?

More How To:

Jessica Stoya

I just discovered my boyfriend’s biggest lie, and now he’s ghosted me

Read more

Jessica Stoya and Rich Juzwiak

My boyfriend just dropped a bombshell. My reaction was even more shocking.

Read more

What happens when you die? Unlike most people, I know. I even have a video. People are manipulating their family photos in strange and new ways. I don’t think they should. People with crushes make it hard to live Who’s having sex in the Wienermobile?

pay dirt

The dogs get the house: My parents are in their 70s and have five dogs, all rescued. They have recently decided to change their will so that if they both die at the same time, their dogs will be cared for by a dog who will live in their house, rent-free. All public services and taxes will be paid by the estate. Also, this little dog will collect a daily salary until the last dog has crossed the rainbow bridge. I’ve known about this for a few weeks and just rolled my eyes. My brother found out the other day (thought he already knew). He is livid. He thinks these are my parents putting their dogs before their children. I must bear in mind that almost the whole estate is leaving me, as my brother does not need the money, as he is quite successful himself. This was HIS choice and he pressured my parents to put all their property in my name and it was a done deal before I knew it (my brother is honestly a great person).

When my brother asked me how I felt about it, I said it was up to them to decide what they wanted to do. I think his decision is stupid at best, and risky at worst, but I don’t need the drama either and I’m putting away a healthy 23 percent of my salary because I’m taking care of my future and my family’s. What do I do?

Athena Valentine

My in-laws have a strange cloud of secrecy surrounding their finances

Read more

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