QI met this guy through a dating website. We’ve been dating for four weeks. I’ve had sex with him (several times), but we also go out on dates and have fun, so I really don’t think it’s just about sex.
I noticed that a girl calls him sometimes when we go out, and they communicate often on social media. She added me to all those same social media sites so I wouldn’t keep her a secret.
I told him I feel he is guiding us both. He said he liked me, but when he got to know me, he realized he didn’t like me as much as he thought. He wants to see what happens to get to know me. And he doesn’t want to hurt this other girl by cutting her off completely.
I still go out with him because I really like him. He knows he’ll have to stop talking to her if we decide to go official. But it’s upsetting and difficult to open up to him knowing he’s still communicating with her.
She spends all her free time with me, so I don’t know why she’s still talking to her. Sometimes when we’re apart and I see he’s communicating with her, I just want to cut him off. However, I feel a real connection with him when we are together.
Maybe he’s confused and needs to figure it out. I’m willing to give him time because I want him to be sure he wants me.
I’ve never been in this situation before. We are both in our 20s.
AYes, he is accompanying her.
Not wanting to hurt him is a weak excuse.
Unless he’s clueless, he should know that the longer he maintains the same level of contact, the more she’ll think it’s more than just a friendship. And the more hurt she’ll be when he finishes her, if he finishes her.
You’re both still young, so while he clearly enjoys your company and the sex, he may not be interested in becoming “official.” Especially after only four weeks.
If you’re trying to rush it into a committed long-term relationship, this girl has a good purpose for staying “confused” as long as she can.
But if you want to make sure you don’t share a “boyfriend for now” and also don’t share the possibility of STDs, tell him this: you’re not competing for the first string. If another bride stays on the scene much longer, you’re gone.
Value that connection with your own self-worth more than a sometimes connection with him.
QMy boyfriend and I are planning to go on a date this Friday. We had a date last Friday and have been texting all week.
Last Friday wasn’t really romantic like it usually is, and he says he loves me, but I don’t think he really does.
I think he is cheating. Do you have any tips to help?
AOr your intuition is excellent and you have to ask him directly if he is cheating. Or they easily give you suspicions (perhaps they have fooled you in the past) and you have come to the wrong conclusion.
Talk to him instead of guessing. If their answer sounds false, say so.
If you’re sure he’s playing you, take a break until he can convince you it’s worth getting back together.
Comments: Regarding the fed-up grandma (February 24):
Reader: “My mother was 80 years old when she finally made the decision. My ex-stepson was extremely ‘entitled’ (no doubt he got it from his mother). My mother was frustrated by his attitude and lack of thank you Then it simply stopped including gift cards, but still continued to send cards.
“I knew about all of this and I approved of her decision. A few years later she realized and asked me why I had stopped including gift cards. I asked her when was the last time she said thank you and she let her grandmother know that she had received the gift and was grateful?
“Needless to say, my now-ex-wife wasn’t too happy with me either. Soon after, my mom called to let me know that the boy had suddenly started acknowledging and appreciating her letters. Honestly, she thought I would get gift cards again.
“But the damage was done. That ship had sailed. My mom never sent him a gift card again.”
Lisa: If the child is old enough to notice the missing gift card, they are old enough to say thank you.
Ellie’s tip of the day
If he/she is chaining someone else, you may face the same fate.
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