I’m the type of person who asks people for advice, but doesn’t follow it 90% of the time. I don’t know if there’s a rebellious streak in me or if I just want to figure things out for myself instead of relying on other people’s experiences.
So, when all my friends warned me against dating a co-worker, I agreed with them… for five minutes. Then I thought I should test my feelings once.
We were both attracted to each other and wanted to see where this went. There was no pressure to rush into things, so that was a relief. I had gotten out of a serious relationship a few months ago and a situation like this is just what I wanted.
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With the dopamine rush I got from being with her, I forgot I’m an old school guy. I want a love that will last and not a casual fling.
Within two months, I realized that our relationship was not moving forward for me. I couldn’t imagine my life with her because I couldn’t feel deep and romantic love for her. I decided to break it off when we were still in the early stages.
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I didn’t take into account that this was her first relationship, so things could have moved a lot faster for her. She also came from a pretty strict family, so being in a relationship and being physically intimate with me was a big deal for her as well.
I worked the morning shift while she worked the night shift. I left half an hour early and we met in a secluded spot in the parking area, so no one in the office could see us. Our relationship has been a well-kept secret and we wanted it to be that way.
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I told her I wanted to cancel, which obviously upset her a lot. She clung to my arm and began to cry. I stood there like a zombie, explaining that I didn’t want the two of us to be in a loveless relationship. He went on to talk about how he had planned all our futures together.
This set off a panic alarm for me. We had never talked about the future. We always agreed to see if it would lead to something more serious. So what was going on?
She called in sick at work and we decided to go to a nearby market. I got some pizzas and milkshakes for us, so this could be over in peace. He really wanted to run home, but he couldn’t leave her like that.
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I couldn’t physically run away, because he hadn’t let go of my arm for two hours.
Finally it was time to go home so we booked a taxi. Somehow a breakup trip home turned into a drinking session. She leaned into me and my brain went out the car window as instincts took over. I should have stopped it, but I didn’t.
He left the car saying, “You’re not going anywhere now.”
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Shit Did I make her stay after a breakup?
That night, I texted her again saying it was over, but she didn’t respond. When I got to the office the next morning, there was a cardboard box on my desk with my name on it. I opened it to see a bottle of water I had given him.
well Maybe he’s sending gifts, which meant he understood it was over.
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The next day, I had a notebook on my desk, one that I had given her. There was a note that said: “You shouldn’t have done that. You played with a woman’s heart.”
A few days later, I saw her walk into the building as I was leaving and she gave me the scariest look I’ve ever seen in anyone’s eyes.
A few days later, we had an office event and I was joking around with some women on my team.
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The next day, I got an envelope, “I see what you’re doing. You can stay with other women, but you can’t fall for the ONE person who loved you the most.”
People around me had started asking questions. Who was sending these gifts and notes? was everything ok I didn’t have an answer because I wasn’t sure. We worked different shifts, so how could I put notes on my desk and not be noticed all day?
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A month after our breakup, I finally confronted her and without batting an eye she said it was all her. I wanted her to know that she still loved me and that she was angry about our breakup. He begged us to get back together, but this stalking behavior was too much for me.
I still can’t forget the psychological look he gave me every time we crossed paths.
lesson learned Don’t ignore the red flags.
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