Dear Abby: Can’t Leave Old Boyfriend for New –

Dear ABBY:

I have been in a relationship for three years, but my partner, “Ron”, is extremely wary of emotional attachment. It took him two years to tell me he loves me or even express any form of serious affection. Also, he is consumed by his work and worries about how his co-workers perceive him. He seems to prioritize work relationships over our relationship.

Because I have become depressed about the little affection he shows me, I started an intimate relationship with a former co-worker, “Dan”. Dan expresses no reservations or restraint in his feelings for me. It makes me feel loved, beautiful and loved.

I have strong feelings for both of them and I realize that I have created a horrible situation. I don’t want to give up a stable and loving relationship that was cultivated over three years, and I’m afraid that ending the relationship in favor of one with Dan is something I’ll regret later. But I’m not ready to break things off with Dan. I would appreciate any advice. — TWO TIMES ON THE EAST COAST


I will try. Since your relationship with Ron left you feeling so empty that you sought solace in the arms of another man, ask yourself if you really love Ron or just the challenge of getting him to finally commit to you. You’re not ready to give up on Dan because he gives you affection and validation, which are vital in a long-term relationship.

Admit that you’re cheating on both men, which isn’t fair to either, and don’t think that Ron won’t know. If you want to spend your life with a workaholic who is emotionally unavailable, do the honorable thing and break up with Dan. If what you’ve been getting from Dan is more important to you, well, you know the drill.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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