Dear Abby: Woman’s Second Marriage Confronts Detroit News

Dear Abby
| Jean Phillips

Dear Abby: I left a manipulative and abusive marriage after 18 years. My parents fully supported my decision. When I got engaged to the wonderful man who is now my husband, my mother and many other family members told me that the second wedding “wasn’t important” and that I should have gone to court.

I had a very small wedding. My parents didn’t give us presents either. Mom didn’t help with the planning either (my husband and I paid for everything) and said I didn’t deserve gifts for a second wedding. In total we received five gifts from 50 guests. I didn’t expect anything and was grateful for what we got, but the assumption that this marriage wasn’t important because it’s my second really hurt. Am I wrong to be so deeply hurt?

Too: The relationship with the boyfriend is now a dangerous nightmare

— Now happier in the south

Dearest Happier: You stated that your first husband was manipulative and abusive. Is this also true of the home you grew up in? I can understand why you would be hurt and offended by what your mother said. It was cruel, disrespectful and unnecessary. In fact, it was so tactless that I can’t help but wonder if it was calculated to hurt. If this is typical of her, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship, protect yourself, and take a step back. Remember, your best “revenge” is your happy marriage.

Dear Abby: I had to go to the emergency room the other night because of severe pain in my knee. After I was spotted and released, I called my son to come get me. It was 11:30 at night. Neither he nor my daughter in law answered the phone! The next day his wife told me they had full time jobs. (They both work at the hospital.) My grandson said that his mother is not angry with me, but I feel very hurt. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

— No response in Virginia

Dear No Answer: This unfortunate event should be a lesson for the future. Talk to your son and daughter-in-law. All three of you need to understand what should happen if you have a medical emergency. This includes not only who should provide the transportation, but also what kind of supervision they might need. You should also have an advance directive that includes who to contact, in case you are unable to speak for yourself.

Dear readers: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without sharing the traditional prayer written by my dearly departed mother:

Oh heavenly Father,

We thank you for the food and remember the hungry.

We thank you for health and remember the sick.

We thank you for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank you for freedom and remember the slaves.

May these memories drive us to service.

May your gifts be of use to others.


Have a happy and safe celebration, everyone!

“Enchanted, Abby.”

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