Dear Annie: How do I heal after dating a guy who turned out to be a narcissist? –

DEAR ANNIE: After dating a guy who turned out to be a narcissist, my question is: How can I heal? I’ve tried everything, and I even feel like I’m over it and I’m fine, but then I have my days. It’s like grief.

I fell in love with this man and feel like I let my guard down too soon, only to be disappointed. Yes, he pursued me a lot, and it’s like after he supported me in nursing school, when I was close to graduation, he started to pull away. I get so depressed from time to time. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend. what would you suggest

I’m not interested anymore; besides, it happened. I don’t like to let something like this get to me or make me feel depressed. I feel like I’m lost just trying to figure it out, and then I tell myself that it served its purpose in my life, and if it was meant to be, it would have been. How do I heal and overcome this heartbreak? Never in my life did I think I would allow someone to access me and not see it coming or notice the red flags. please help — With a broken heart

Dear BROKENHEARTED: You have no control over how your ex-boyfriend treated you, but you do have complete control over how you respond. If he was a true narcissist, he was not your best friend. He might have pretended to be your best friend, but that is not a true and authentic friend. He is probably incapable at this point in his life of being a true friend to anyone because he is not a friend to himself.

Give yourself time to grieve your relationship. It’s understandable. It’s okay to get sad every now and then. Keep doing things for yourself that made you happy before him. Stay close to family and friends, and lean on them for comfort. There is strength in vulnerability. The sooner you recognize it, the sooner you can move past the sadness.

Once you have some distance and time away from the relationship, try to be curious and ask yourself what you liked and didn’t like about the relationship so you can learn from the old relationship what you don’t want in the new one. your new relationship And don’t rule out talking to a good therapist. At the very least, you’ll stop beating yourself up for not seeing this guy’s personality sooner.

“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” it’s out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology, featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication, and reconciliation, is available in paperback and e-book. visit for more information.

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