“How often should couples do this sex?”
It’s a question on most couples’ minds, but it’s also been asked countless times by Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus, a therapist in the United States.
Marcus cleared up the confusion in a viral Tik Tok, advancing that although “every couple is different”, an average of at least once a week is enough to keep the average couple satisfied.
“A study came out a few years ago, a large, long-term study, that suggested that the level of happiness increases until it reaches once a week,” Marcus explained.
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A sex expert cleared up the confusion about how often couples should be intimate. (Getty Images/iStockphoto)
“After couples start having sex up to once a week, it levels off. That’s an average.
“If you want to know the data, the reality is that at least once a week it seems like most couples are happy.”
The 2015 study, conducted by the University of Toronto Mississauga surveyed 25,000 Americans over a 23-year period from 1989 to 2012. Respondents were asked about how often they had sex and how correlated with their levels of satisfaction in their relationships. The study found, regardless of age, gender or length of relationship, once a week was the magic number.
But Marcus adds that his personal experience with clients says that “once you start getting less than once every two weeks, that’s when the cracks start to show.”
There are many reasons why couples hold back their intimacy in their relationships, Marcus said Newsweek.
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Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus shared the magic number for the amount of times couples should have sex per week. (Tik Tok)
“Often, it’s about things that change in life and not knowing how to handle them,” he said, “Couples can almost fall out of the habit and sex stops being in your repertoire.”
“Many start having issues like showing less kindness and more irritation. They feel less like a team and more like roommates, and eventually, they feel uncomfortable having sex with that person.
“We’re pulled in so many directions that unless you make a conscious effort, sex won’t happen,” she said.
But how can you re-create that spark? Marcus says scheduling it can be a big help, though he realizes many think it’s an afterthought.
A ‘good sex routine’ can sound so boring and boring, but it’s a great starting point for couples who want to keep sex alive in their relationship.
“Sometimes couples get into a bad rut because there are secondary issues, but the longer it stays that way, the harder it is to fix.
”People say scheduling sex isn’t sexy, but you know what really isn’t? Not having sex,” Marcus said.
Many people also have “unrealistic expectations,” and Marcus’ advice is to embrace that when it comes to getting that spark back.
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Some shared their own experiences in the comments. (Laura Du Vé/Refinery29 Australia for Getty Images)
“(It doesn’t have to be) starry-eyed, soul-gazing, outrageous sex,” she said, “It’s about allowing yourself to let your guard down and be vulnerable and connect with someone in a way that you do.” don’t connect with anyone else.”
It can be awkward at first, but Marcus says practice makes perfect, and he urges others to think of their scheduled schedule as “date nights.”
“Think of it as ‘your time’ together,” she said. “You can try new things if you want, but it uses up that time.
“People have this fairy tale idea that the desire for sex should be constantly present and they think they should never plan for it,” Marcus said, but she says that like anything else in a relationship, you have to work to achieve it.
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“If you’re honest with yourself, then it’s okay.” (Getty Images/iStockphoto)
“You might not always feel like it at the time, but it’s like exercise. You’ll put in the effort, and your relationship will be better for it.”
While the study appears to give a definitive number, in the end, only you and your partner really know whether your sex life is fulfilling, and Marcus says the study should only act as a “guide.”
“If you feel like you’re off that benchmark by a mile, ask yourself, ‘Am I really happy and is my partner really happy?'” she said.
“If you’re honest with yourself, then it’s okay.”
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