On February 12, 2015, Elliot and I started chatting on Tinder.
Eighteen hours later, we met in real life. Six weeks before the day of our first meeting, we were married at the scale replica of the Greek Parthenon here in Nashville, TN.
You read that correctly: I fell in love with and married a man I met through Tinder after knowing him for six weeks.
You might think I’m absolutely crazy, but I’m pretty sure I made the right decision. I actually think Elliot and I are soul mates, which wasn’t even a concept I believed in seven weeks ago. I’m not foolish enough to think that things will always be easy for us, but I couldn’t be a little happier, and neither could our families.
Tinder is effective
Six weeks ago, I was a few months out of a long-term relationship. To be honest, I was feeling more than a little bitter about my prospects of ever dating, let alone getting married, again.
After a positively horrifying 18 hours on OkCupid that culminated in 500 creepy matches and a date with a Vanderbilt med student who tried to strip me outside a bar, I wasn’t feeling hopeful.
On a Thursday morning in mid-February, I ran an algorithm of elimination on my chances of finding any man I’d be willing to sleep with on a recurring basis. Forget marriage; At that point I had settled on the idea of ”tolerable for short periods on a recurring basis”.
The results? There were less than 900 men in the entire world that I would even be willing to allow in my presence.
I might sound picky or pretentious, but I think I’m more of a realist than anything else. I am trained as an engineer and appreciate other people with a neurotically structured approach to getting things done.
I’m a pretty hardcore metalhead and have a ridiculous knowledge of obscure thrash bands, especially Russian and oldies. Health is very important to me. Oh, and I’m a practicing witch and I also collect some trivia.
It’s safe to say that by both choice and experience, I’m a very strange girl and I wasn’t getting any more normal.
I decided what I needed was best summed up by Type O Negative’s lyrics “She’s in love with herself”. I vowed not to date anyone seriously, but just find some men I could tolerate on a semi-regular basis and keep them at a safe distance. I downloaded Tinder and wrote a bio explaining that I was just looking for someone to “buy me vodka once a week”.
Four hours later, I swiped right and was immediately matched with a guy with long blond hair who plays guitar in one of Nashville’s best thrash metal bands. We started talking and things got really weird.
Strange how? We texted for four hours and it was clear that we had all sorts of things in common in terms of music, lifestyle, preferences and more. And oh my god, the chemistry that flowed between us. It was absolutely crazy.
Outside of my bio requirements, he only met 2 out of 5. Elliot isn’t tall (5’10”), I wouldn’t describe him as overeducated, and he’s just as clumsy and clumsy. mess as I am. But he’s nerdy, charming , gorgeous and a rising metal star.
I believe in her talent, and I believe she is my soulmate, and I don’t believe in much of anything.
Eighteen hours later, I took a long lunch break from work and drove across Nashville. I was less than a mile from meeting Elliot before I realized how incredibly stupid I was potentially being. I got out of the car, shaking, and fell into the arms of this man who was even more handsome than his Tinder photos. I felt like I had missed him for years, and maybe even more when he finally came home.
The rest of the story? We both knew immediately that something really strange was going on. A lot of people have decent chemistry, but this was something completely different. We kept talking after that first meeting, and haven’t stopped since. We’ve spent less than a handful of nights apart since we met on 2/13/2015 and have this amazing ability to completely lose ourselves in a conversation for hours or even days.
Not really. Why did you MARRY him?
Elliot and I still haven’t agreed on anything significant, except for the fact that I think brown rice is actually kind of vile (sorry, but yeah). Other than that, we’ve had commonalities and even stranger circles. I quickly discovered that the lines on our palms matched.
On our third date, I took him to a psychic in hopes that she could help him with some ancestor work he was interested in doing. She did help point him in the right direction, but she also strongly suggested that he and I were soul mates.
At the first show I attended after two weeks of dating, dozens of people commented on how “handsome” we were together. Some highly respected musicians who headlined the show thanked me for their ridiculous guitar solos that night.
Our time together has ranged from the totally mundane (going for walks and out to breakfast like normal people) to the absolutely ridiculous.
I never thought I would have the ability to lose myself in someone’s bed for 24 hours, but I finally found it. I know this is the stuff of romance novels, and I’m a girl with a strong need for personal space. And I’m here to tell you that the level of chemistry where you absolutely lose yourself staring at each other’s faces to the point where your phone goes off and you’re late for work? So late at work, you’re absolutely out of time and your co-workers file a missing persons report? Um, right.
This kind of chemistry exists, and it’s real, and I found my soul mate on Tinder.
After we had been dating for exactly one month, Elliot took me an hour south to rural Middle Tennessee to meet his family in his small hometown.
Her mother and I immediately connected with vintage clothing and art, and I felt immensely at home. It didn’t matter that I grew up across the country in rural Northwest Washington, where grunge was born, and I was sitting in a very fancy Southern lady’s house. I wanted her to be my mother.
On the ride home, Elliot asked me to marry him. I did something very mature like covering my face and yelling “no” repeatedly.
That night we went to a metal charity concert. He asked me again and I agreed. The engagement was announced on stage while the entire venue cheered these two young lovers. A week later, we decided to get a marriage license and run away, intending to keep the marriage a secret for at least a few months.
We told our families, and our very normal parents weren’t as shocked as they should have been. My mom actually asked, “What took you so long?”
We were married at the Parthenon, reasoning that it was the largest pagan temple in the southeastern United States. Our vows referenced our love of graveyard walks and metal shows.
Our wedding night included massive amounts of delicious food (our favorite), covers by Cheap Trick at a beloved Nashville music venue, and running around downtown Nashville’s party district in our wedding attire. We ate at Waffle House at 6am to replenish our energy before finally collapsing around 8 or 9am.
Our secret marriage lasted a total of 28 hours before we announced it on Facebook.
honestly? is this crazy
I’m not saying it’s easy to marry someone 6 weeks after meeting. It is difficult. We’ve certainly caught our fair share of concern from friends, some of which haven’t been comfortable or kind.
The logistics of managing grown-up things like moving, leasing, and even legal name changes so quickly is downright difficult. However, Elliot declared that he knew he wanted to spend every minute of the rest of his life with me, and I couldn’t disagree one bit.
i know him divorce statistics. I’ve been through a failed and long-term relationship, and I know that getting out of years of living with someone is expensive, hard, and painful.
Even though Elliot and I have never fought until now, I understand that there is a good chance that we will run into trouble. However, I am hopeful and I don’t think I have any reason not to be. Regardless of what some people think, I think I was born to love this man and his music, and this control freak is finally learning to go with the flow.
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