Intersex person reveals what dating life is like – NZ Herald


Blume revealed what it’s like to date as an intersex person. Photo / TikTok @blumekind_

An intersex person has revealed how they navigate the world of dating and sex.

Blume, who uses the pronouns they/them, revealed on Andrew Bucklow’s I’ve Got News For You podcast that they are intersex, which is when someone is born without meeting the criteria of being biologically male or female.

Typically, the intersex person will have things like chromosomes, hormones, or sex organs from both genders like Blume.

Only 1.9% of the world’s population is intersex.

“I was born with something called androgen insensitivity syndrome,” Blume said on the podcast. “Basically, I was XY and I was ready to be a boy, but because my body doesn’t respond to androgens, I basically had to stay as the default little baby that we all start out with.

“So basically, I came out looking exactly like a typical woman. And then when I got to the age I should have gone through puberty, I found out I didn’t have a female reproductive system.

“I actually had balls in me, believe it or not.”

Blume revealed that at age 16, they went to the doctor for an unrelated reason, but confided that they hadn’t yet started going through puberty.

Blume revealed that they are intersex.  Photo / TikTok @blumekind_Blume revealed that they are intersex. Photo / TikTok @blumekind_

Doctors examined it and it was revealed that they were intersex, something Blume had never heard before.

Blume’s parents were in the room, having received a call from doctors beforehand about the revelation. But, the news came with a caveat.

“When I was first diagnosed, the doctors told me not to tell anyone and that it was really dangerous for me to share it with people, even my friends,” they said.

“So the whole feeling of secrecy and shame made it that much worse. But luckily, I didn’t hear them. I felt like I wanted to share it with everyone anyway.”

Friends and family were supportive, but Blume shared that there were some rumors about them at school. However, in their adult life everyone has accepted the information.

Blume has never had surgery to remove testicles or create a fully formed vagina, after being born without one.

Instead, her doctor recommended creating one through a process called dilation, which is a process many vaginismus sufferers use where sticks are inserted to stretch the vagina because things like using tampons or having sex don’t be incredibly painful.

That’s what it did for Blume when it came to sex.

Blume said they are often asked if their libido is affected by being intersex, but revealed that it is just like anyone else who enjoys sex.

Blume also revealed that their dating life is largely unaffected by the fact that they are intersex, as they are members of the Queer community, so there is an open mind, but even other friends that Blume has who are intersex have no problem.

The young man revealed that when they found out they were intersex they wished they weren’t, but society has changed over the years and since they received their diagnosis, they’ve learned that there are as many intersex people in the world as there are redheads .

“When you’re a teenager, you’re just trying not to be as different as possible,” they said. “But it changed my life for the better. I’ve met so many amazing people, I’ve learned so much about myself. And it has all these benefits.

“Like, personally, I never have to have a period. I don’t grow any body hair or anything like that. And I never have to use deodorant because I don’t have body odor.”

But there are a few things Blume wants for the intersex community, and that’s for people not to be forced to choose a gender if they don’t want to.

They also want more representation for intersex people in the programming of coming-of-age shows like Heartbreak High or Sex Education.

For more on dating and relationships, listen to the NZ Herald’s new podcast, It’s a date with Lillie Rohan

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