Man who refuses to marry pregnant partner to ‘protect’ her money divides opinion – Newsweek

A woman has asked Mumsnet for advice after revealing her partner doesn’t want to get married to ‘protect his pension’.

In the post, User iwasaprinceonce explained that she felt her partner was judging her for being previously married, and expressed concern that if they break up, she “loses half of her pension and the investments she has.” The OP has her own frustrations with the relationship, explaining that he’s driven by money, “yet it won’t apply or develop at work to earn a higher salary, for us as a family.”

After recently finding out she’s pregnant, the OP said she’s worried about her finances, and despite her partner having a good relationship with her children from a previous relationship, where the father is already dead, she feels vulnerable Explaining how she feels to her partner, she said, “Why did you get pregnant then?” He concluded that “he’s struggling with my own needs and he doesn’t want to let go, but he also wants to keep the family we’ve built together.”

According to the Pew Research Center, 90 percent of those who are married and 73 percent of those who live together say that love was the main factor in the decision. They found that more practical reasons such as finances were more prevalent in the decision to live together than to marry.

“About four in ten cohabiting adults say that moving in with their partner made financial sense (38% say this was one of the main reasons they decided to move in together) or that it was convenient (37%),” Pew Research reported. Centre. “A much smaller proportion of married adults say these were important factors in their decision to marry (13 percent and 10 percent, respectively).”

Stock image of a man and a pregnant woman arguing. A pregnant woman has turned to Mumsnet for advice after her partner refused to marry her.
RyanKing999/Getty Images

Newsweek spoke with Terri DiMatteo, a licensed counselor in Princeton, New Jersey, who specializes in relationships.

“The original poster here is in a not-so-unusual situation, with each person wanting an opposite action. Couples in these kinds of dilemmas can often feel alone, misunderstood, vulnerable, and unsupported.

“Instead of immediately focusing on the decision or outcome, it’s best for couples to unpack and process each other’s fears. For example, the wife seems aware of her partner’s money fears. be clear. It would be wise to ask her. more about her worries about money and the future. Similarly, it would be helpful if they could explore the vulnerability she feels about being pregnant and not being able to put her degree to work right now.

“By exploring their fears and vulnerabilities together, they can demonstrate compassion for each other’s position. Also, expressing empathy and reassurance can help open the dialogue for more meaningful problem-solving. So the first order of business is connecting, sharing, and support to feel more like a team. When a sense of togetherness develops, these challenges seem less daunting and workable solutions begin to present themselves, but first, they must address fears, concerns and the vulnerabilities of others.”

Mumsnet users were divided in their reactions.

BronnauMawrion said: “Such a big red flag. He’s shown his colors – his finances are more important to him than the mother of his child.”

Chopc disagreed and said, “Sorry to be harsh, but why did you get pregnant without solving this? Is there a valid reason? You’re going to be a single mom of 3 soon and you’re going to be wondering how you’re going to make ends meet “.

Shinyandnew1 said: “When did you graduate? When did you find out you were pregnant? No way I would have a baby and not work for 2-3 years if we weren’t married!”

Newsweek has not been able to verify the details of the case.

Have you noticed any red flags that have caused you to end a relationship? Let us know at We can ask the experts for advice, and your story could be featured in Newsweek.

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