Nadia Bokody: The real reason women are attracted to married men – NZ Herald

Women are more attracted to some men when they are already in a relationship. Photo / 123rf


“I’ve been getting all this extra attention since I got a lady,” a fellow drinker recently boasted.

“I want to know something…” he began, taking a sip of his beer and pausing, as if holding the thought on his tongue.

“Why do women like guys with girlfriends?”


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It’s a question that has plagued Reddit forums for eons, and a conundrum apparently so vexing that science is still trying to solve it.

One of the main theories to come out of this research is a phenomenon called “mate choice copying,” which proposes that, like many species, women save themselves the time of scouting out potential mates by hitting on men who are already have been identified as a couple. worthy of a partner

Except that women aren’t animals, and the idea that we’re innate whores and would gladly stick our stilettos in each other’s backs to get a husband is a patriarchal construct designed to trick us into minimizing- us for men

See also: The Bachelor: A franchise dedicated to convincing 30 attractive, highly accomplished women (who definitely don’t have questionable amounts of alcohol, zero access to the outside world, and grandiose romantic scenarios that would never happen in real life) that they have of doing whatever it takes to get the affection of a guy who seems to bring little more to the table than visible abs.


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In reality, women are inherently prosocial; just ask any woman who’s cried in a public bathroom and had half a dozen strangers offer her tissues, fresh mascara, and an impromptu group therapy session.

Perhaps the most farcical thing about the “mating choice copy” theory is the implication that women’s lives center around men and that male attention is so scarce that we are forced to climb over each other to get it.

Conversely, there has been a strong shift towards women consciously choosing singleness in line with the strides the feminist movement has made towards gender parity in the last decade; especially in terms of increasing reproductive and economic autonomy.

A 2019 study by Morgan Stanley predicted that by 2030, 45% of women aged 25-44 will be single; trends psychologist Greg Matos comments in his viral article, The Rise of Single Lonely Men.

“While you don’t actually need to be in a relationship to be happy, men tend to be happier and healthier when they’re in a relationship… The only problem is that over 62% of [dating app] users are male,” Matos wrote.

That’s, of course, because there’s no mass version of The Bachelor playing out in women’s everyday lives. Male attention is plentiful, and women are certainly less interested than ever.

If you’re a man who’s recently entered a relationship and find yourself on the receiving end of extra attention from the opposite sex, it’s not thanks to some strange phenomenon that uttering the word “girlfriend” brings forth a horde of lustful women.

Women simply gravitate towards coupled men because they feel more secure.

Nadia Bokody.  Photo/InstagramNadia Bokody. Photo/Instagram

A guy at the bar buying his girlfriend a drink, or a man who routinely drops his wife’s name in conversation at a party, is less likely to express attraction to us and then do d ‘this attraction our problem for the rest of the time. night

As such, we tend to be more relaxed with these types of men and subsequently favor friendly conversations with them.


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Although patriarchal ideas of women would have us believe otherwise, women do not leave the house every day with the aim of attracting men. Most of us actively try to avoid it because of the routine male attention that manifests itself in sexual harassment and objectification.

Instead of asking, “Why do women suddenly want to be around me now that I have a girlfriend?” men might benefit from asking, “How do I get along the rest of the time that doesn’t make women feel like can they do that?”

The answer won’t be as pleasant or ego-boosting as anything you’re likely to find on Reddit, but it can help science focus on solving bigger problems. Like why I’m still watching The Bachelor even though it’s the worst show in the world.

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