Traditional advice warns us not to venture into subjects like religion, money and politics on first dates. However, these days, more and more love experts and relationship coaches have started encouraging couples to dive into political discussion from the first date.
The case to avoid the question
For decades, singles have been told to avoid any discussion of politics on a first date. Political conversations can be negative, combative, uncomfortable, controversial, and even emotionally heavy. Dating experts historically discouraged political conversation early in a relationship and instead advocated for singles to know their date for who they are as a person rather than judging them for their political party affiliation. According to article 2014 published in Women’s Health, the policy is inappropriate to talk about on a first date because you’re not there to change a date’s mind; you are there to learn about him as a person. The article, however, does not discourage discussions of current events or news. And if dating someone who shares your political beliefs is vitally important to you, express that sentiment.
Traditional advice is still mostly sound, but not all political conversations have to be characterized by hostility and indoctrination. And besides, who’s to say that knowing someone doesn’t include knowing their political leanings? After all, political beliefs correlate directly with values and can tell you a lot about a person, making it a potentially relevant topic for some.
The case for accepting the question
Even if you don’t find politics to be that important to you, a man’s political views can say a lot about him, from what he values to how he was raised and how he perceives the world. In many ways, modern dating experts would argue that someone political beliefs reflect their values and priorities. With today’s pervasive political landscape, almost any opinion, value, or belief can inevitably be labeled “political.” So by learning about your date’s values, you may be indirectly learning about their political leanings. By that logic, it might be better to jump straight into political conversations on the first date, but really, it comes down to personal preference and how much you care about a man’s political views in a romantic relationship.
Talking about politics early in a relationship can force couples to practice conflict management skills if they have opposing political beliefs, or bring people closer together if they share opinions. Both outcomes are positive, as it is important to establish intimacy and deal with conflict early in a relationship. It has also been argued that if you don’t talk about politics on a first date, when should you talk about it? In many ways, it’s advantageous to discuss political opinions as early as possible, so that if you discover a deal-breaker, you can end the relationship and not waste anyone’s time. Dating expert and author of Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships Julia Spira even argues that not talking about politics early in a relationship shows that you’re apolitical, which can be a huge turn-off for to some He adds: “For the first time, different politics have become the main deal-breaker in relationships.”
A heated political discussion can increase your chances of getting a second date by 91%.
Still not convinced you should talk about politics on a first date? recently studies have indicated that 62% of singles are willing to talk about politics on a first date. In fact, game surveyed 5,000 single men and women and found that a heated political discussion can increase your chances of getting a second date by 91%. I’m not here to tell you to start every first date by asking about his opinion on abortion laws or gun control, but I think this data speaks to the appeal of being passionate.
How to have a constructive conversation about politics
If you take one piece of advice away from this article, let it be this: A first date (or even a second, third, etc.) should never be used as a platform to indoctrinate, lecture, or air your views on somebody else. . Your date has his reasons for holding certain opinions just as much as you have yours, so the best thing you can do is respect these reasons and keep an open mind. There’s a big difference between asking about a date’s political beliefs in a civil and genuine way and getting up on a metaphorical soapbox and insulting or ranting about the opposing political party. Aside from showing respect and keeping an open mind, try asking questions to learn more about why your date believes what they do. Relationship experts reported Business Insider this “genuine interest” was one of the top eight qualities to exhibit on a first date because it shows altruism and compassion.
If asking a man how he votes is too direct for you, try asking him his opinion on certain issues. Just because I voted for Donald Trump doesn’t mean I agree with everything the man says and does. But uncovering these nuances of his political position is important and requires asking follow-up questions. On the other hand, if he asks you about your political beliefs, be honest and confident. Any dating or relationship expert will tell you that the best advice for a successful first date is to be yourself, so this applies to all topics and questions. research shows that men consider honesty and trustworthiness to be two of the most attractive characteristics in a woman. If you don’t feel comfortable revealing your voting habits on the first date, be honest about that too. But also remember that his reason for asking is probably just to get to know you better.
There is no right or wrong answer to the question of whether to talk about politics on a first date. However, there are right and wrong ways to talk politics with a potential new boyfriend. Keep the tone of the conversation friendly, curious, and respectful. Keep an open mind and remember that when you ask a question, you have to be prepared for all the answers. Whether you’re the girl who wants to ignore the existence of political affairs or the girl who writes to congressmen and organizes a march on Washington, talking about politics is an inevitable part of today’s social interactions.
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