The Ultimate Guide to Dating with Kids: Last First Date


Posted by Sandy Weiner in Midlife Dating, Red Flags in Relationships | 0 comments

Dating with kids can be challenging, but with the right preparation and compassionate communication, single parents can find love again.

Dating Kids… You are a single parent who is dating someone and you like each other. He knows you have children. Maybe he has kids. Once you’re single, how do you navigate a budding relationship with picture kids? In this video, I explain everything you need to know about dating with kids.

The ultimate guide to dating with kids

How to get your kids ready when you’re ready to go out

I recommend sitting down with your kids when you’re ready to go out again. Have an honest and open conversation with them. Set clear boundaries with yourself first about what you will and won’t do in terms of pajamas and introduce your kids to your new boyfriends. It might go something like this:

“I’m getting ready to date and I wanted to talk to you about what this means to you. I won’t introduce you to anyone you date unless he gets serious. If he gets serious, you and I will talk about how you’d like to meet -lo. No one will ever replace your father. Do you have any questions or concerns? I’d like to know what’s on your mind.”

How (and when) to talk about your kids with people you date

I recommend that you mention that you have children, but don’t talk much about them at first. You are meeting each other, not each other’s children. After a few dates, if you think the relationship has potential, you can share more about your kids, but keep in mind that if the relationship doesn’t escalate, he’ll never meet your kids, and he doesn’t need to know about them . they.

When to introduce your children

This is an individual preference, so you have to decide for yourself. My recommendation is to wait and see if the relationship is stable and exclusive before making any introductions. It’s too traumatic for kids to know all the men you date. They can easily get stuck and hurt if/when they break.

Problems that can arise when dealing with children

If he doesn’t get along with his children

Does your date have children he doesn’t see or care for regularly? His children do not speak to him? This is something that should be discussed on a first date, because it is worrying. I consider this a deal breaker.

If your kids don’t like your new partner

Talk to your kids about why they don’t like it. Be curious. Listen. You don’t get defensive. If they have valid concerns, address them. If they just need more time, set a time frame that works for both of you. You may need to spend more time at your partner’s house until your children are ready.

However, if your kids are more uncomfortable with your partner than they are with new people, that’s a red flag. If your discomfort lasts longer than it usually does with new people, that’s also a red flag.

If you don’t like how your partner parent their children

Talk to him about your concerns, but do so gently and with curiosity. He has been a father to his children for a long time. You are an outside observer. Your parenting styles will probably be different, but if you see something troubling, you have the right to say something.

If your partner does not like or abuses your children

This is something to keep in mind as you get deeper into a relationship with someone. He may criticize your children or abuse them in some way. This is unacceptable. When it comes to abuse or mistreatment, trust your gut. While there are some situations where you might overreact or be unsure, most of the time, your parenting intuition knows when something is wrong. trust it

If he tells you how to be a father

What if you mention something that happened with your kids and how you dealt with it, and your date tells you how to have them better? Whether he is a parent himself or not, unsolicited parenting advice is a violation of boundaries. Asking for advice on one situation doesn’t mean they get a pass to offer advice on every subsequent situation.

If he doesn’t want to be part of your children’s lives

You should both discuss what role you see a man playing in your children’s lives. Some men will be upfront from the start that they don’t want kids and don’t want to have someone else’s kids. If your date doesn’t see any connection with your kids, that’s a red flag.

Even once your kids are grown and on their own, you’ll still see them for vacations, weddings, and grandchild births, and that’s at the very least. You’ll probably see them a lot more than that. Living separate lives with your children will make your relationship difficult, whether the children are at home or grown up. The role you play in your children’s lives can be big or small, but there should be a willingness to be a part of their lives.

If he has a controversial relationship with his ex-wife

If his relationship with the mother of his children is unhealthy in some way, dating him will be a challenge. There will probably be drama around the kids. Mom could be controlling. She could be manipulative. Maybe he has trouble setting boundaries with her. Maybe your divorce doesn’t have healthy boundaries. This is something that needs to be considered and addressed early on, or your relationship will be in trouble.

If your children are stubborn, cruel or disrespectful

This will cause major problems in the relationship unless he is willing to set boundaries and prioritize having you in his life. Address it as soon as it happens and be clear about the boundaries you need to make the relationship work.

Getting back into the dating scene with kids can feel a little intimidating. There’s a lot to think about and watch out for. These tips are a good starting point. As long as you put your children first and find someone who does the same, you will be a good parent and have a good relationship.

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