A woman’s incredibly “awkward” encounter with a man has reignited the age-old debate about who should pay on a first date.
The video, which has been viewed more than 13 million times, was recorded by a woman named Talisa when her date was starting to sour.
As the camera pans over a nearly empty glass on a table, her conversation with a man she had just shared a meal with can be heard loud and clear, and its content is truly shocking.
It begins innocently enough with Talisa saying that she “appreciates” that her date offered to pay for her dinner, before stressing that she’s happy to “cover” her half of the bill.
The man insists he’s fine, telling her “I got you.”
But the situation takes a dramatic turn when he offers to take Talisa to his nearby hotel room and she declines.
“Oh, I see,” she tells him. “A man pays for your dinner and . . .”
At this point, an audibly uncomfortable Talisa interjects, stating, “I don’t fuck on the first date.”
After explaining that he has made her feel like she has to have sex with him “all the time,” the man accuses Talisa of “just wanting a free meal,” which she rejects, stating that she “doesn’t have any trouble to pay to avoid such a thing.”
The date then ends with him reversing his offer, telling Talisa to pay for her own meal.
Many social media users slammed the man’s “disgusting” behavior, saying it shows he thinks he’s “owed” sex because he paid, a sentiment Talisa agreed with in her caption with the ‘tag “so transactional”.
It also sparked a heated debate about who should pay on a first date, something that “elite dating coach” Stef Frodden argues needs to be shut down once and for all.
“If the man is initiating the date, then naturally he should pay for the entire date,” she told news.com.au.
“As women, we have fought for equal rights. Equality of rights, that is to say, human rights. right to choose The right to choose what we want to do with our lives and how we do it.
“This does not automatically mean that we now have to share the same responsibilities as men in all aspects of life.”
Stef, from the Sunshine Coast, revealed the advice she gives her clients to help them through this difficult situation.
“A woman on a first date has the option of offering to pay once she receives the bill, out of courtesy and politeness. But it’s a gesture,” he said.
“A great strategy I’ve found in this situation is to say, ‘Do you need help with this?'”
While Stef, 31, clearly believes a man should always pay on the first date, many women take a different tack.
“If I really like you, I’ll let you foot the bill,” Brisbane woman Amy Dickinson said in a viral post. tiktok videos.
“I’m not going to scope it, I’m not going to suggest we split it, I’m just going to let you cover it.
“That gives me a chance to suggest another date, and of course I’ll insist on paying the next time we go out.”
However, on the other hand, when she’s not interested in seeing a guy again, she’ll make sure he covers half the bill.
“Because I don’t want to owe you anything,” he explained.
Amy isn’t the only woman to adopt this tactic, I’ve been doing it since I started dating as a teenager when my mom warned me, “Never accept anything from a man because he’ll expect something in return . ”
So why do so many men feel entitled to sex if they’ve covered the cost of an average or a few rounds of drinks? According to experts, it is the mixture of capitalism and patriarchy perfectly intertwined.
“Boys and men are surrounded by influences that tell them they have to act and behave in certain ways to ‘be men’,” said Dr Emma Beckett, from the Department of Sociology at the University of Warwick. HuffPost in 2019.
“Not only does this put men under pressure to act in a certain way, but it also gives many men an excuse to behave in the way they feel entitled to behave.”
So while many men do not feel they have to pay, Beckett argues that some also choose to do so as a tool to exert power and control over women.
“Many men feel that they have invested in this woman and therefore should repay her in some way, usually with positive attention.”
In Talisa’s case, she describes feeling pressured by her date, and he gets audibly angry when she declines his offer to take her home after paying her bill.
Stef insists that while this kind of behavior does happen, it’s “definitely not the norm.”
“If a woman feels insecure on a date and finds herself in a restaurant setting like this woman,
he should just get up and leave,” suggests Stef.
“She wouldn’t have to worry about paying or anything other than making a safe exit.
“In this situation, throw courtesy, common courtesy and kindness completely out the window and make your comfort and safety your number one priority.”
Interestingly, he believes that the reason these shocking interactions happen too often is because of “a huge gap due to a general misunderstanding when it comes to expectations.”
“As women, most of us want to feel cared for and adored. We want to feel provided. The current confusion in dating is because men now assume that we want to pay our way and that we will be offended if they take the initiative,” she said.
Even if there is a wild disparity between expectations due to the evolving role a woman now plays in relationships (studies show that we still do more chores and housework than men, even though we also generate income complete), there is still no excuse to make anyone feel compelled to sleep with them.
FAIR-USE COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER
Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for “fair use” for purposes such as citation, syndication, criticism, commenting, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by the copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational, or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use.
-This article has no negative impact on the original works (It would actually be positive for them).
-This article is also for teaching and inspirational purposes.
– It is not transformative in nature